halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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