Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
