She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
