My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Houston, we have a blender
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize