so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she peed on how many people?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm like, not good at living.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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