i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
