I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
