Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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