HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My vagina is officially offended.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
