Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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