He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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