I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
