Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
