You smell like stripper and shame
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
