It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can I color on your dick again?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
