i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
