So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
