All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
