chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize