whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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