i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
