the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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