He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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