smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
