nut hugger
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
