So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
