I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Girls should come with a carfax report
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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