My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
