dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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