I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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