I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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