Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize