I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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