This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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