I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
