You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
