I hate your face
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
