people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
