So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also, beer. Big fan.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
