Life is so much better after having sex.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
