he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize