I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
