you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
