My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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