Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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