I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
