mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Watching her eat just hurts me
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
