The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
