Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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