I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I need water and some morals
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
