I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
