Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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