Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
