i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
