You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
