First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
