He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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