Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
