I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
