Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
