It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Even my vagina gasped.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
