your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
