who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
