dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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