no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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