dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
