Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
