So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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