I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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