It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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