when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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