I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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