It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
