everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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