dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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