Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
